Forged In The Flames

May 23, 2023. Day one of chemotherapy. FIGHT DAY. I have given this fight to God, and as I wrote in a previous blog, it took me a while to truly surrender it 100% to God, and it is a daily process to give it to Him each and every day. BUT, each day I do, it gets easier and it gets better. I refuse to give into stinking thinking and a negative mindset. Have I had one perviously? Absolutely. It is easy to fall into that trap of doom, gloom, and doubt. But, the more I pray, read the Bible, and process this, the more I am determined to be positive and not let this diagnosis rule my life. Sure, it is a big part of what I am dealing with- but there is more to life, more purpose. This may sound crazy, but in some way, I am thankful for where I am at. It has drawn me closer to God and I am more appreciative of my family and the time I have with them, and just appreciate the day that I am given.

Going in for chemo, I was nervous, but hopeful. The nurses who accessed my port were amazing and made me laugh. I had my loving husband by my side the entire way. After I had labs and had met with my doctor, I went up to the infusion room. We were led to my pod and I was made super comfortable. Let me tell you, these pods are super cool. I got my own private area with walls and a curtain, a super comfortable chair and TV. The nurses were great and explained everything to me, step by step, and I felt very comfortable. During the infusions, I prayed. I prayed for healing. I told the chemo drugs that they were only allowed to go after bad cells. This is FIGHT DAY! I will FIGHT ON. I will be positive. I felt joy and hope that can only come from God. I was able to sit in that chair and praise God and feel so happy. I was where I needed to be in that moment.

When the nurses administered the first drug, I had to chew on ice so that it does not cause mouth sores. Me being the overachiever that I am, I pounded two cups of ice and my mouth was so numb from the cold that my husband was laughing at how I was pronouncing words- because of course I tried to talk and joke around the entire time. I chose to fight, not only this day, but every day. Some days can be a battle, but it is about how you handle that battle. I don’t give negative thoughts the time of day. Being positive and relying on God has been the biggest and greatest thing. I feel joy when surrounded my sorrow. I have strength from Him when I feel weak, I have joy from Him when I feel sad. It is a long road, and there are days that are harder than others. I chose to be positive.

After the chemo, I felt a little wonky. So, my husband got me my favorite pizza and Mr. Ben and Jerry snuck in for a good ice cream visit (one of my favorite treats it Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food). My husband made sure that I was comfortable and had everything I needed. All through the night, he had his arm somewhere on me and would wake any time I moved or got up to use the bathroom, asking if I was okay. He has such a kind heart and always takes such good care of me. Fortunately, after the first day, I had one better day followed by another and pretty soon I was bouncing around the house. There were days I was more tired than normal, but for the most part, I felt pretty good.

It is time to FIGHT ON. What is your fight? How are you handling your fight? You have a choice- it may not feel like it, but you do!