Forged In The Flames

Day 20 after receiving word of my potential diagnosis, was going in for an MRI of my breasts and lymph nodes along with a breast surgery consult. I still had not received word if my biopsy result was positive or negative- I assumed I would receive the results this day meeting with the doc.

I woke up this day and felt peace. This peace I know can only come from God. I had been in a bad spot this week because I gave into worry about the biopsy results that I was waiting to hear about. My mind went to wort case scenario. When I took my eyes off God and the hope and peace He provided and that I have in Him, my fear and anxiety took over. However, today, this day as I was going in, I chose to put my faith and hope in God an God alone- I was almost smiling (sounds kinda crazy, huh?). This day my devotional was spot on. Two Bible verses resounded very heavily with me:

Psalm 119:49 “Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope”

Ecclesiastes 3;14 “I know that whatever God does, It shall be forever. Nothing can be added to it, And nothing taken from it. God does it, that men should fear before Him”.

Matthew 7:7 ” Ask, and it will be given to you, seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you”.

As I sat In the waiting room I was listening to my music an the song came on “Something has to Break” By Red Rocks Worship and in Minutes 6 -8 really ministered to me. I believe God will do it and HE is holding me up. I keep trying not to worry about the “what ifs” – but that is letting fear, doubt, an worry in. It is what it is- I can’t change it. I will have faith in the Lord. I was reminded of the hope God has given me- and I chose to stand in this hope! There is power in the name of Jesus, I believe in it- I hope init! I believe for miracle! I believe for it! My steps are preordained by God- He knew His plans for me before I was even born. I prayed that I would follow in God’s plans for me- I don’t get to know why, I just get to trust. I prayed for peace- for God to take every fear and anxiety,

After all my MRI scans were done-I met with the breast surgeon. She came in and was talking about breast cancer and genetics- I had to stop her and ask for my biopsy results because I hadn’t gotten them yet. I felt so bad for this doctor because she thought someone had already notified me. Well, not the case. So she took the time to go over them with me: I had breast cancer. They also stated that I had multiple lymph nodes that were positive as well. I felt defeated. She stated that she was already talking with my oncologist and they were setting up a bone scan and CT scans to be completed along with genetic testing. I was gong to have all of this done within the next week including meeting with the oncologist.

I left this appointment feeling defeated. What about hope? I thought I was goin to get good news. Instead, I could feel my anxiety and fear coming back in. Multiple lymph nodes? What if it is everywhere? I thought things were going to go differently. After having a moment, I gave it to God and thought that ya know, it isn’t about me an my timing, it is about God and His plan and I will continue to rest and trust in Him and Him alone.

Are there times in your life that you expected things to go one way or to get a certain answer? What happens when it is the opposite? What is your reaction? Mine initial reaction is definitely not one that I am proud of, but I will continue to pray and give it to God. I will keep my eyes on Him. My hope is in God and God alone.