Forged In The Flames

Perhaps you are going through a similar situation I am facing, or, maybe you have entirely different circumstances. I hope and pray that perhaps my journey can help you on yours.

To make a long story short, I noticed a lump in my right breast over the winter. I thought, its fine, there is nothing wrong. I am 37 years old with no family history of anything. Well, after some time I noticed that there were some physical changes I could see and decided I needed to get it checked. BUT, before I decided to go get checked, I worried and stressed over the whole situation. Part of me wanted to think that nothing was wrong, and the other part of me was scared to hear that horrific word…cancer. So, I worried and stressed and hid from my problem. I wish now that I had not, but I also have accepted the fact that I cannot change a thing at this point.

I went to my doctor who ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. My husband and I walked in to have these tests completed. I remember sitting on a bed in the small little exam room with my husband across from me when the radiologist came into the room. As soon as she looked at me, I knew. She told me that she was 90% sure it was cancer. At that moment, I felt my world fall out from under my feet and everything around me came falling down. Why me? How could this happen to me? Perhaps it was punishment for everything I have done wrong in my life (and trust me, there is a lot). I could not wrap my mind around the fact that this was happening. I went home and fluctuated between being angry, numb, and just sad. I began to doubt and ask God why?

Over the next several weeks I was able to get in to City of Hope and have all of my testing done to confirm (or in my mind, dispute) these findings. I had a breast and lymph node biopsy, CT scans, and bone scans. I met with a breast surgeon who confirmed that I did in fact have breast cancer. While I was prepared in my mind for this, hearing it was another thing. I also met with my oncologist shortly after who told me some information that I was not aware of- and this just put the icing on the cake. They saw multiple lymph nodes that were cancerous, along with a very concerning lesion on my sternum. If this was positive, she said that it would technically be stage 4 oligometastatic cancer.

My oncologist explained that we would start chemotherapy, followed by potential surgery, radiation, and hormone suppression therapy. I had a port placed and a sternal biopsy done very soon after (which is a story for another day). Last week I had my first chemotherapy treatment.

So, now that you know a little back story…

Through this whole process, I have had a lot of ups and downs. The ups are great, but the downs are really hard. I have finally come to a point where I have given the entire situation go God, and I chose, every day, to keep my eyes on HIM. It is not easy some days. I have felt a great peace and hope about this situation, no matter what happens. I have put my faith in God, and I truly believe He has a plan for my life. While the path I am walking is not one that I would have thought to be on, it is still my path. I find joy every day through Jesus Christ and I look at each day as a gift I have been given.