Hello All,
Life is always changing. We get involved in many different things, and as time progresses, perhaps our interests change or we decide certain things are or aren’t for us. Its a normal progression through life. We make choices, we choose what we are going to do and what we aren’t going to do. What about when that isn’t an option? The choice is made for you? Or, in other terms, you are forced to say “I can’t” or “I have to”. Now these circumstances could be due to any number of things in life, but mine is due to a medical diagnosis. I get frustrated when I have to say I can’t do something or “I have to” do something. I mean sure, I could just do the opposite, but where would that leave me? So instead, I found myself saying “I can’t” on many occasions, and on some “I have to”. I can’t do XYZ barbell lift because it may hit my port or collar bone (not that I had been lifting a ton right before my diagnosis, but the point is “I CANT”). I can’t go into the pool and swim. I can’t sun bathe and work on my tan. I cant go around crowds of people. I can’t go sit on a beach in the sun. I cant eat XYZ food (i.e ice cream or salad). The “I can’ts” seemed to be everywhere I turned-perhaps not all at the same time, but when I would sit down and think about it, they all seemed to add up. Then come the “I have to’s”. I have to go to chemo every week, I have to eat all the vegetables, I have to study, I have to get XYZ project done. I mean, again, it isn’t all at the same time, but some days it feels like it.
The “I can’ts” and “I have tos” have changed as the weeks and months have gone by- some change daily. I am a very busy and on the go person. At one point (several years ago), I was in the best shape of my life. I used to CrossFit all the time, but in the past year or two, I have struggled to make it to the point where I stopped going. So now, even though I shouldn’t do certain barbell workouts, I want to because it is off limits (unless I want to ruin my port). The “I can’ts” and even the “I have tos” really start to get to me,
My parents came to see me recently and I had this discussion with my Mom who offered some very eye opening insight. It is not that “I can’t”, but instead, “I choose not to”. She told me that I need to look at things differently, and boy was she right (I guess Moms are, but we wont tell them). I needed to look at it like this.: “I choose not to”. I choose not to go around crowds or throw that barbell around. It isn’t because I cant, but it is because I am making a conscious choice to do everything I can to help the process. I am CHOOSING NOT to do something that could hinder my healing process or hider chemo. It is my choice. No one ever took that from me. While yes, there are recommendations, I am the one that has the say in what I am going to do. I GET to CHOOSE. I CHOOSE NOT to do things that could bring harm to my body while under chemo. I want to be healed. No one is making me do anything or not do anything. This is only temporary. So, as I sat here and pondered this, I also pondered the “I have to”. I don’t have to eat all the vegetables. I CHOOSE TO. I choose to make health choices. It is all a matter of perspective.
While I relate this to my situation, it can be related to anything. I am not saying to go out and do anything crazy or to not make wise choices, but if you are feeling like you cant, maybe it should be about “I choose not to”. As with any decision, weigh it against the Word of God and what God says. Pray about it. If you find yourself having a similar pity party as I did, try looking at it differently. Perspective is everything.
Forged In The Flames 