Going through chemo is a journey. A journey that can be overwhelming both physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am going through weekly chemo now and I am in a good routine, however, I can’t help but think of “what is next”?. Every Thursday it is the same- I go to the cancer center, get labs, and then get chemo and every third Thursday I see my provider. My entire day is spent at chemo with my ever so loving husband. But, with the routine comes the anticipation of what is going to happen when I am done? Time seems to be flying by and before I know it, the next step will be here. One of my providers has told me to take one step at a time and we aren’t on the next step yet- which is 100% true. I need to learn to be present in the moment- in this step each and every day. Sure, there are things that are starting to pop on my schedule radar at the cancer center- but I am not there yet. Going through the motions of weekly chemo can almost be a comforting thing if I stop and think about it. I am adjusted to what I am doing- it is the KNOWN in my process, my journey. This has become my normal.
Over the past few weeks of my journey, I have found myself getting overwhelmed at times. I am trying to do everything I possibly can to ensure I am giving my body the best chance for success. I have changed my eating habits, met with nutritionists and naturalpathic doctors, and have begun exercising. I am not perfect in this eating and exercising journey- and I tend to beat myself up for every slip up. But, I can’t be perfect, it will never happen. I am an imperfect human being in need of Jesus and God’s Grace every single day. God is the only one who is perfect, so why am I going to berate myself for my imperfections when it comes to diet and exercise? I can only give it my best shot, one step at a time. I have been trying to do a Vegan diet, but I find myself needing to make modifications. While a Vegan diet is recommended for me, there are so many vegan alternatives that are more processed and unhealthy than the real deal. While I am trying to exercise, it does bother me that I am not throwing down at Crossfit, but I am working out!
I am happy that suggestions are given to me, but add them all together and it becomes overwhelming. (I am sorry if you are reading this and have given me a suggestion, I am happy you did). I have so many different opinions that are thrown my way to try and help me and my situation, but I find myself becoming easily overwhelmed (side effect of steroids maybe?). Which choice is the right one? What about natural remedies for cancer? There are so many and each one boasts that it can cure cancer. I am all about looking at natural things, but with so many that are out there, it becomes overwhelming to even think about, not to mention, which ones will interact with chemo? I am truly thankful for everyone who is in my life and has shared a suggestion with me, this is not meant to bash that in any way, I am just sharing thoughts and feelings. Nutrition also overwhelms me at times. Eat this. Dont eat that. This study shows X while this study shows Z. The stress of trying to make sure I do the best I can can sometimes take its toll.
Bottom line. So far, my labs continue to hold! I give God all the glory as my tumor marker went from 66 to 37! This is huge! I was told that it can potentially go up and down during treatment, and we need three total to be able to trend it. But, I will take one small positive change. I chose to trust and have faith. It can be challenging, especially when I feel overwhelmed with everything. I am working on slowing down and living each day to the best that I can. I am getting ready to wrap up my dual Masters program here in the next few months (yeaa!!) which will be a huge accomplishment for me and a huge load off of my plate.
One step at a time. One day at a time. Slow down. Trust God in the process.
Forged In The Flames 