The days leading up to meeting with my oncologist were quite stressful. I had to go in for CT scans and bone scan- talked about being radioactive! I was supposed to leave to go to my sister’s wedding back East on a Tuesday and had to delay in order to meet with my oncologist. This was not fun as I had not told my siblings yet what was going on- I didn’t want to mention anything until after the wedding. Why ruin a good day with something so negative. Anywho…. I was listening to songs and praise and worship and this song came on that talked about how it isn’t over.
“Its Not Over” by Jasmine Murray and Rita Springer. ” It’s not over, You (GOD) will finish what you started. Something good is coming” HOPE! God is in control. He has a plan and it won’t change. I have faith…I chose to have faith. I will put my trust in God and HIs hope. As I was sitting around between doctor appointments and testing I wondered, is God telling me something good is coming? “Even when my heart can’t understand, you still have a future and a plan” (It’s not Over). This resonated with me as the last appointment I was at with the breast surgeon, I was really upset. What about that hope that I had? Where was it? But, it is not in our time at all, it is in God’s and God’s alone.
The day I met with the oncologist was May 18. I felt a peace going to this appointment. I give it to God. I will not be anxious. My strength comes from God and God alone. I prayed for the doctor, for guidance. I prayed for peace, hope, strength, and healing. I spoke Jesus’ name over the situation. Darts of anxiety and worry kept coming, but I kept praying. I need God’s strength.
My husband and I sat in the office waiting for the oncologist. When she walked in, I immediately liked her. She was very knowledgeable and was kind. She took the time to explain the whole situation and to discuss treatment. At first, she started talking about my results. I had multiple lymph nodes in the right axillary area along with the mass in my breast. What I wasn’t prepared for was this: there was a very small concerning spot on my sternum as well. She said that it would need to have a biopsy in order to determine if it was for sure cancer. If it was negative, I would have stage 2, if it was positive, I would have stage 4 – but would be considered oligometastisis (few spots) However, treatment would remain the same. She stated that there are multiple studies that show promise with this kind of cancer and that there are even additional studies for the cancer spreading to my sternum. My cancer was progesterone and estrogen positive, HER 2 negative. Also, all genetic tests came back negative.
So….wow. That was alot to take in and my mind was reeling. But, somehow, I was so thankful that there was no cancer found anywhere else! The plan was going to be set in motion: port placement for chemotherapy, sternal bone biopsy, chemo for several months, surgery, radiation, and hormone suppression therapy. I have no idea why, but when we left, I actually felt at peace and happy. God is in control. We had a plan and something good was coming.
It was way past time, but I needed to rise above my problems. It was time to be more positive about this situation. Not that I wasn’t already doing it, but I really needed to focus on one day, one thing at a time, and make each day as positive as I could. God was in control. He has a plan, and I am happy resting in that plan. Nothing good can come from me. Being positive? Being hopeful? Sure, I could try a little bit on my own- but I would not be very successful and it would not last. Over the past few days/weeks, God had really opened my eyes to the fact that I need to keep my focus on Him and not waiver in my hope, faith, and trust in Him.
Forged In The Flames 